Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I have a near and dear friend--we'll call her Mandy for the sake of her privacy--who is up in arms about a comment a "feminist" made to her yesterday.....she was called a "traitor."

Mandy is a single mom of three children.  She's not a single mom by most standards, in that she's a single mom via the death of her spouse in an automobile accident.  But three small children (her oldest is 9) means a lot of food on the table, and her job in real estate wasn't paying the bills.

Last summer, Mandy landed a job as an "adult" entertainer. She's not a stripper, she's at home every night with her children, and she doesn't even drink, much less use any illegal substance.  Mandy is a porn starlet for "indie" films and direct-to-video productions.  Oh, she also brings home nearly a half a million dollars a year. 

Mandy has always been one to defend her choices, and though she's quiet about what she does to those who may not know her well (those hailing from the Deep South understand why...), she is open and honest about what she does, usually telling people that she's an actress and leaving it at that (which in itself is true--she's had a few minor roles in commercials and such.)

So it completely caught her off guard to be called a "traitor."  Mandy is a woman who put herself through college and a master's program in business, so this is no "last resort" bunny we're talking about.  Mandy is a smart woman, a woman who has made business decisions for herself that have made a home for her and her children and will provide for them long into the future.  She still drives the same Passat she drove before she started making more money, she and her children live in a sensible home, and her children attend public schools.  Is she a traitor to the "feminist movement" by providing for her and her family rather than trying to find another man to pay the bills? Is she a traitor for quickly making more than many of us make in a lifetime?  Is she a traitor because she was able to secure a job where SHE makes nearly twice as much as her male counterpart, in a society where women are still trying to break even with men?

I'm damn proud of her and what she's accomplished, regardless of whether or not the films that she makes are off the beaten track.  She was able to do what so many women in America haven't gotten around to doing, and that's providing for her family without the assistance of the government  or someone else's tax dollars.