Fruitcake Wedding: The Pre-Preparations Train Wreck

Three days before our wedding, the judge that we had picked to perform our ceremony emails me.  He had been given the script to our ceremony months before, and he had a few "minor" changes that he wanted to make.

The changes?

He had deleted the vows that Mr. Fruitcake and I had written together and wanted to insert the vows that we had very adamantly avoided...the ones that say, "I promise to honor and obey my husband..."

I promptly emailed him back and said that while I appreciated his input, Mr. Fruitcake and I had worked very hard to write something together, and we weren't comfortable using those vows.

The next morning (48 hours before our wedding was supposed to take place), I get a response.  He replies:

"I appreciate the opportunity to perform your wedding ceremony.  However, if you are unwilling to reword your vows, I will not be offended if you choose someone else to perform your wedding ceremony."

Chaos ensues.  48 hours before our wedding is supposed to take place, and we suddenly have no one to perform the actual ceremony.  We (and by we, I specifically mean "I") were freaking out.

(Fruitcake and Mr. Fruitcake trying to come up with a solution)

Mr. Fruitcake said a lot of "Yes, Ma'ams" and started making phone calls.  As did eleventy bajillion friends in 50 states.  We probably called no less than 100 people, and in one memorable occasion, I even called the pastor of the lady who was working in Ann Taylor when I got the email via my Blackberry.

While this is going on and phone lines were spontaneously combusting, other wedding preparations are coming together.

My arbor, which Papa Fruitcake had custom built for me, arrived:

And my daisies arrived:

(Phone lines are still on fire at this point, as well as Facebook pleas and Twitter begging)

The months of purchasing, resulting in boxes of wedding paraphernalia, had been delivered to the Lodge, and were just waiting for us to set everything up.

Have I mentioned that we're now at 36 hours from the wedding?  And we still have no one to perform the ceremony?