Thank heaven for little girls

I can't even describe the miracle of Makayla's birth.  Watching my sister go from hardcore party child to Makayla's mama in a matter of several seconds was unbelievable.  Not to mention the sheer miracle that is the birth of a child.

My niece, Makayla Jewel Anthony, was born Friday, 10/12/2007 at 6:55 pm.  7 lbs, 13 oz and 20 inches of complete perfection, I didn't know I could love a baby like I love this kid...and she's not even mine.  She looks like both Amber and Jesse, but her attitude is all Harold.

Mom and Miss Makayla both came home from the hospital yesterday, and both are doing fine :-)  Thank you to everyone who has called, come by, stopped by the hospital or otherwise gone out of your way to make Miss Makayla's birthday special.

If you want the whole photo experience, you can check it out here:

www.kodakgallery.com/catrelle83

ishkabibble

Still no baby.  I am so ready for my niece to be here. Michayla...HURRY UP and GET HERE!  The doctor is going to induce Amber a week from today if we don't have a mini-munchkin by then.

Alden...WAR DAMN EAGLE!!  Engineering will never be the same again.

My head hurts.  I am so f-ing tired of the b.s. going on right now.

In other news, I'm running (with JW) in the Cherry Blossom run in April. He's training for the marathon (I think), and I'm going to attempt the 10K. It's the first serious competitve event that I've trained for since high school, so I'm kind of excited about it.  Not to mention it's a trip to D.C. and a chance to see some friends I haven't seen in a hot minute *cough Chris cough Anneliese cough Brady* while we're there.

Dove shoot last weekend---SO much fun.  Dove shoot this weekend--possibly even more fun. I am so incredibly lucky to surround myself with the people that I do.

I started writing again last week.  It's not to publicly share, but I'm pretty pleased with how things are shaping up.

This is all over the place...I need caffeeeeeeine. 

There is actually a book called the Biography of the Moonpie.  Nicole, I don't know why, but it reminded me of you.  Irritatingly, it doesn't mention Mardi Gras?

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug.  I think I'm the bug these days.

Nappy time yet?

I miss my godson. (his parents aren't half-bad, either.)  I need to go to FWB ASAP.

Right-o.  Decisions, decisions. 
Much love from a very jumbled Fruitcake.

le sigh

I wanted to post a blog about September 11th and how I think it's completely wrong that we're not doing anything as a country to memorialize the date that changed everything in America.  I really did.  I wanted to rant and rave about the government, I wanted to praise  our military, with a special shout out to my boys and girls serving overseas or that have been overseas--Tim, Matt, Cody, Ann, Joe...there are so many more of you that I didn't name.

But instead, I'm stuck.  I'm stuck thinking about Britney tramptastic Spears and her "comeback" at the VMAs.  But unlike the myriads of reports focusing on how horrible her performance was and how horrible she looked in the outfit she had chosen to perform in, I'm blown away.

I'm blown away by the thousands of editorials touting a young woman who, in the last 3 years has given birth twice, as grotesquely fat.  If SHE, whose body I would gladly eat my right arm to have as it stands right now, is America's definition of "fat," we can all throw in the towel right now. 

What kind of message is this sending to young girls--girls who watch the VMAs and are listening to what the media has to say? Are we telling them that only women who embody Mary Kate Olsen are considered "in"?  That skeletal, waif-like women, who probably haven't had a period in months because their bodies are starved, whose hair is falling out because of lack of nutrition, whose skin and hair is lackluster at best--THESE are the women that our younger generation should be looking up to??  That our 5th, 6th, and 7th graders should aspire to look like Nicole Ritchie?  That anorexia and bulimia is the way to go?

Britney may not have looked like the 17-year-old pop tart she once was.  Guess what, folks?  She's not 17 anymore, either.  The Pop Princess is now a mother of two, and I think most women, especially those who are mothers themselves, would agree that Britney looks damn good for being a new mother the second time around.

Wake up, people.  This Catch-22 that we keep our daughters in--it's taking a toll on their self-esteem.  Sure, Britney may not be an ideal role model, but no one is perfect--those in Hollywood so hell-bent on casting doubt and shame on her doubtless are thanking their lucky stars that the attention is on her and not on them. 

And personally, I would much rather see a healthy Britney prancing (trudging?) onstage than Mary Kate Olsen or Nicole Ritchie.

If Britney Spears is fat, I'll eat my socks.

2 years

Tomorrow marks two years since the most life-changing ordeal I have ever gone through.  It's become a catalyst for a lot of changes in my life, a reason to put things in perspective, and, looking back, has made me truly become the persont that I am today.

A year ago, the wounds were still raw and bleeding.  My heart was not only broken, it was surrounded by a concrete castle wall, reinforced with barbed wire, and then electrified with "no trespassing" signs everywhere.  I had come a long way, but I had no idea how far I still had to go.  I still felt like I had failed myself, that I had somehow taken the wrong path, that things like "that" weren't supposed to happen to girls like "me."  My confidence was shaken, my self-worth was at an all-time low, my outlook on life, though improving, was still less than positive, and my view on men...well.   I would have been content in a world in which men didn't exist at that point. I was afraid of trusting anyone except my immediate family, and even then I was on shaky ground. I was making strides in educating others on the dangers of domestic violence, but I had not yet realized my passion for telling my story in the hopes that I touch one life, one heart, help one person.

I found my closure.  In May, I took Adam to court, where I was able to tell my story to judge and jury.  I didn't get exactly the sentence I was aiming for, but nonetheless, I was able to find a sense of peace in knowing that he's finally paying for what he did to me and, though he can never give me back my sense of security or the innocence that was lost, I finally felt the scars begin to fade a little in knowing that he is finally paying a pennance for what he did to me, and what he did to Adrian before me, and what he could have done to someone else after me.

I found my safe haven.

 To Emily, who I couldn't have made it without.  To Tim and Alisha, who dropped everything to be with me when I needed them most andhave never let me drop the ball on our friendship.  To Laura, who forced me, time and again, to see the truth.  To Meg, who has been an unfailing pillar of strength, love, and support.  To Julia, who has amazed me with her gifts of friendship. To Nia, who...well.  You just have to know Nia.  I am her protege :-)  To Amber, my baby sister, who I love more that she'll ever know, and who is going to make a wicked-fierce mama in about 6 weeks.  (strangely enough, this has been the catalyst that brought us together.....finally). To David, for challenging me.  To the J-squad, for being my unending source for laughs when I needed them most.  To Anneliese, Courtney, Kelli and Chris, for umpteen years of friendship spanning many, many, many miles.  To the so many people who have held my hand when I needed a friend, to the so many that have hugged me in support, to the so many of you who have told me that you're proud of me, thank you.  To my mom and dad, and to my brudder ('tard), I love you more than I could ever, ever express.  Lastly, but certainly not least, to JW...for tripping me and letting me fall, but catching me with a green sharpie in hand. Where've you been?

Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined that life would have taken the course that it has, and I don't know that I would change it.  Yes, it has been excruciatingly painful at times, and yes, I wish that I hadn't had to go through some of the things that I've faced.  But they've made me who I am, and though I don't like them, I appreciate them for the life-altering effects.  I am conscious of every breath I take, of every day on earth, because no one is ever guaranteed another. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and if I love you, you know it, because I say it often.  I live my life with no holds barred, with a zeal and zest for life that only comes from truly knowing the deepest pain and sorrow. 

My mom has always said, "To know the greatest joy, you must first know the deepest sorrow.  Pain and grief carves grooves in the soul that only joy and love can fill."  Mama was right.  I am, for the first time perhaps ever, truly, truly, truly happy.  Sure, there are ups and downs, but I am completely at peace with my world and all that's in it.

Life is beautiful. 

Live, laugh, and love...
...Caitlin

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  I can't even begin to know what you're going through, as I've never lost a parent.  But please know that I'm behind you when you need strenght, beside you when you need a shoulder, and ahead of you when you just can't lead. 

I love you always. More than 10 years and more than a 1,000 miles don't dimish the bonds of friendship, and more than ever, I give you whatever I can offer.  I can't take away the pain, and I can't change things, but I can be there in whatever capacity you need me.

Caitlin

Cloud 9

Anyone who knows me for more than 2.5 seconds knows that domestic violence is my soapbox.  It's the one topic that I can talk about for hours, the one topic that i feel needs to be addressed in every town, every city, every state. 

Anyway, I don't want to go into all that I feel about the actual issue.  Rather, I'm still on cloud 9 from Tuesday night. 

Most know that I went to court in May.  It was a sense of closure for me, a way to put behind me everything that happened two years ago and move forward, knowing that in some small way, I might have protected another woman from going through what I did.  Anyway, that background was needed, because Tuesday afternoon, I got a call asking me to present at a local city council meeting in regards to their upcoming vote on domestic violence-related issues. 
Needless to say, I would have flown to the end of the earth in order to make this presentation. 

All I did was tell my story.  And, in light of other victims, mine doesn't even begin to compare to the tragedy that they've faced.  I still have my life, my heart, and an unquenchable desire to live, love, laugh and fully experience everything life has to offer. 

After my presentation, as I was walking to my car, a man stopped me in the parking lot.  I could tell by the red rings around his eyes that he had been fighting tears, and he asked if he could shake my hand.  He then told me, in a somwhat shaky voice, that he had almost lost his daughter to the hands of the man that she married, and he had lost his granddaughter.  His two-year-old granddaughter had been the most innocent victims to a man who could not control his own rage.  We spoke for a minute, and he asked if he could give me a hug. 
I have never, in all of my life, been hugged like that.  The pain radiated from him and I could feel his grief.  It hurt my heart to feel that much heartache.
When he pulled away, he said, "Caitlin, thank you.  Thank you for being able to tell your story and for fighting for the women who can't or won't.  I want you to know that I'm fighting for you. I'm fighting for you and will do whatever I can to see the new legisltation pass."  I cried.  He cried.  And somewhere, I realized that this is my calling.  This feeling, the feeling of knowing that I made a difference--I don't want to let that go.

His name is Steven, and he's on the city council.  If one person is in my corner because of what I have said, then I have done what I came to do.

Fight for change.  Fight for those that don't have the strength or willpower to fight for themselves.  Six months in jail and a $500 fine for someone that tried to kill another person is not sufficient.  It is not acceptable.  A relationship bred out of fear is not a relationship at all.  It is a death trap.  Help stop those that are repeat offenders by challenging your local legislation to pass harsher penalities for assailants.  Most importantly, push for more resources for crisis teams and centers.  The Lighthouse in Baldwin County is in dire need of more resources, more manpower, and more volunteers.  Make a difference.

If anyone wants more information, I have a myriad of resources that I can send your way.  Just send me a message, and I'll hook you up.

Much love...
...The Fruitcake

I remember the day they told me...

....you're going to be a big sister!!

21 years later, my little sister is about to be a mom.

And now I have to ask myself...

Why...

Why do I have to watch my sister do the same things that I did, knowing that she's setting herself up for heartbreak, disappointment, and a broken heart?  Why do I have to watch my sister, who, by all admissions, is near-genius in intellect, belittle herself and lower her standards?  Why do I have to watch my sister, my beautiful, smart, caring, huge-hearted, funny, gorgeous, strong-willed sister throw her life away on people not worth her time?

I want to shake her, to make her see that her life isn't just about her anymore, but about the little girl that she's bringing into the world in just over 2.5 months.  I want to protect her, to help her see that she IS all of the things that I said before, plus a gazillion and one other things on top of those. 

I want her to see how good she has it, how much better it could be, and how much she has going for her.  My mother has bent over backwards for that child, and she doesn't see any of it.

I want to protect my as-yet-unborn niece from the unhappiness that surrounds Amber and Jesse.  

ARGH!!!

And yet, after 21 years, i KNOW that there's nothing that can get through to her stubborn head, that she's the only one that can figure things out, and that nothing in this world will change her mind once it's made up.

Blech.  Being a big sister sucks some times :-)

I'd be better off on a soapbox

I am so on my soapbox this afternoon.

THIS is what caused it.

The Hippocratic Oath is a rite of passage for most medical students.  It reads as follows:

    I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all     the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according     to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:

    To hold him who has taught me this art as equal to my parents and to live my     life in partnership with him, and if he is in need of money to give him a share of     mine, and to regard his offspring as equal to my brothers in male lineage and         to   teach them this art - if they desire to learn it - without fee and covenant; to     give a share of precepts and oral instruction and all the other learning to my         sons and to the sons of him who has instructed me and to pupils who have         signed the covenant and have taken an oath according to the medical law, but     no one else.

    I will apply dietetic measures for the benefit of the sick according to my ability     and judgment; I will keep them from harm and injustice.

    I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a     suggestion to this effect.  In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

    I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in         favor of such men as are engaged in this work.

    Whatever houses I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining     free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations     with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves.

    What I may see or hear in the course of the treatment or even outside of the         treatment in regard to the life of men, which on no account one must spread         abroad, I will keep to myself, holding such things shameful to be spoken about.

    If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life         and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I             transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.

In other words: people who take the Hippocratic Oath state that they are willing to keep the health and well-being of the patient at the forefront of what they are doing.

Right.  Which means that refusal to treat someone based on your personal religious beliefs, in turn potentially putting a patient in severe or life-threatening risk, is NOT in the best interest of the client.

The trauma associated with a rape is more than enough for any woman.  But to be humilated at the doctor's office at the hands of a holier-than-thou doctor who won't prescribe the morning after pill (EC) is completely uncalled for.  Or how about the woman who was told to GO HOME with an ECTOPIC pregnancy, which has ZERO chance of survival and EVERY chance of severely harmin the mother, and to come back when she had an infection or the fallopian tube had ruptured, because then the "morals" and "ethics" of the Catholic hospital could be assuaged.  But to treat the ectopic pregnancy alone was to be contrued as an abortion. I'm sorry...what?? The "morals" and "ethics"?  WHAT morals and ethics?  By intentionally putting a woman in harms' way, by refusing to treat someone that is legitimately in need of care--that's a gross breach of "morals" and "ethics" in my book.

(Not to mention the Hippocratic oath...)

I'm not going to touch the abortion debate, because, though most people know where I stand on that particular issue, it's not what I'm on my soapbox about.  Though I can preach and preach about it all day long, I can and do see both sides of the issue and can see where the line can be drawn. 

But.

When it comes down to birth control...and I'm not referring to the still-somewhat-controversial EC, but your everyday "pill"...it is, in all 50 states, a legal and acceptable choice for a woman to make.  I can understand that those from the Catholic persuasion choose not to take it.  But regardless of your personal beliefs, a woman should never be denied access to contraceptives.  Regardless of your own personal choices, a woman has the right to choose whether or not she wants to have children. (I know, this is on a very slippery slope toward the abortion talk.  But...NO.) It is not your place, my place, or her doctor's place to decide her religious beliefs nor stand in judgment of her choices.

If your religious background and beliefs stands between you and your patient, you are in the wrong profession.  If you cannot do what is obviously necessary, or if your religion won't allow you to treat a patient to the best of your ability, join a religious order.  But don't endanger women, many of whom naively believe that they're getting the utmost in care and treatment, when in reality they're only getting half of the story.

What it essentially boils down to is, and I quote: It's okay to discriminate against someone, so long as it's for religious reasons.

Apparently, we've backslid so far that we're back to our witch-hunting, stake-burning Puritanical roots...and then some.

drink, drank, drunk

This morning on the Today show, this story was mentioned.
A two second synopsis: should kids be allowed to drink at home under the supervision and guidance of their parents? Or should parents who let their kids drink be punished and possibly serve jail time?

I have a problem with the idea of parents being thrown in jail for doing what, in my opinion, is considered to be doing the right thing. If kids are going to drink anyway...and ask any high school student, and they'll mostly affirm that conclusion...wouldn't "being responsible"mean keeping them from drinking and driving? From putting themselves...and their friends...in potentially dangerous situations?

The current legislation regarding underage drinking is one of the most detrimental things we could do for today's kids. To go from a "zero tolerance" to "anything goes" is doing more harm than letting kids be accustomed to alcohol. To say that 21 is a magic age when kids are suddenly prepared to indulge in what, until this point, has been the 'forbidden fruit,' is irresponsible at best and dangerous at worst. Drinking and driving, date rape, and alcohol poisoning are only a few of the pitfalls.

It seems to make more sense to me to allow kids to be around alcohol, to drink with their parents, to not treat alcohol as some forbidden temptation, Anyone who has ever been told that they can't have something knows that that only serves to increase temptation. Have wine with dinner, champagne on holidays. Let kids drink in moderation under their parents' supervision. Don't treat alcohol as some forbidden that can't be touched until 21. If kids drink at their parent's home, take their keys, keep an eye on them, and know that they're not drinking and driving. If they're going to do it anyway...and they are...be smart about it.

Don't put parents trying to be responsible in jail. Put the irresponsible ones who let their kids drink and drive and hit someone in jail.

Closing a chapter

Tuesday, May 15th, marks the final closing of a chapter in my life that I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting to happen.  Adam is finally going to trial. I met with the district attorney last week, and the justice system is finally working. It's been a long time coming and a long healing process, but this marks the final closure.  Once the trial is over, I can officially close this chapter of my life and move forward.  Yes, for those who have asked, I am testifying.  After a lot of thought and a lot of soul-searching, it is what I have to do.  I can only imagine the face of a daughter or a sister or a friend and imagining them going through what I went through. It may not protect many, but knowing that I could have protectd one person is enough of a call.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who have been absolutely amazing friends over the last year and a half.  I could not have made it without you. You have been my rocks, my hope, and my lifeline.  I love you guys :-)

This is a chapter I'm all too happy to leave behind, and I'm ready to move forward with my life without having to keep looking backwards.  A new beginning, a new day, a new chapter in my life.

"Ain't nothing gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna slow me down!"

ETA:
In the 15 mins or so since I posted this, I've gotten several messages from people who don't know what's going on or what happened.  No, it wasn't rape.  Blessed be, I don't have the emotional scars from that.  Domestic violence is another demon entirely, one that I never saw coming.  I encourage you to read my post from the one year anniversary here if you really want to know more.

the big cheese

the big cheese

I have found the secret to success.

Okay, so it won't win you fortune and fame, and it won't help you get that cute guy's phone number, but in the grand scheme of things, it makes life that much fuller, that much richer, and that much more worth living.

Be friends with your parents.

Not such a novel idea, I know.  But it astounded me how many people were amazed that my dad is my favorite party buddy.  I spent the weekend rockin' Memphis with him, and I have more fun hanging out in bars and checking out whatever bands we can find than I would with anyone else. Jager shots, Blue Moon, Bud Light, Patron, some strange concoction that tasted slightly like a green Jolly Rancher, Taj Mahal, the Allman Brothers, North Mississippi Allstars, a whole lot of corn dogs, rain up to your eyeballs, losing the car, the Counting Crows, Barenaked Ladies, Guster, dancing til your feet hurt, and then dancing some more....sounds like a fantastic weekend.  And it was. 

And the best part was creating memories with my dad that I'll cherish for the rest of my life.

I guess it's safe to say that we're two peas in a pod in a lot of ways--music is music and makes the world a better place.  There's nothing like an outdoor festival, sunshine and summertime.  Neither of us can stand to live away from the water, and both of us would be happy with a bunch of oysters, crackers and cocktail sauce.  Blue Moon is our beer of choice.  Auburn is our team, and we'll cheer for Ole Miss only if they're not playing the orange and blue.  Rock and the blues is our genres of choice.  We really don't care what people think about us, and have a penchant for acting like retards just to irritate someone else...you know who you are if you've been targeted by said treatment :-)

I consider myself extremely blessed to be able to consider my dad both my father and my friend.  I know I can count on him, more so than just about anyone else in my life, and I also know that where daddy is, a good time isn't too far behind.

Random Observations

Random observations as observed by yours truly in the last 72 hours:

1.  Rollling down what seemed like a perfectly innocent grassy hill on Saturday night will result in oddly shaped bruises come Monday morning.

2.  The Krystals on Dauphin Street is only closed between 4:30 and 5 am, during which time they will not give you a sackful of Krystal burgers, no matter how nice you try to be.

3.  I do not have a "quiet" button.

4.  Rain creates puddles. Through which I will inevitably have to walk/drag my dress through.

5.  Shoemaker and Ferry are the best dance partners ever.  Especially when Shoe and I use tango arms like bowling balls and knock people out of the way.  Thanks.

6.  My friends do not understand the concept of "Caitlin has other plans that do not include us" and will repeatedly call...all night long...with increasing frequency...demanding (drunkenly) to know why I am not at {insert location here}. 

7.  I love my friends.  And I am consciously trying to make an effort to see them more often, especially the Mobile folks. 

8.  Lindsey Abeln is dangerous with a camera.

9.  The phrase, "Who is that blonde chick?" was in reference to me.  Apparently.

10.  Cassie has issues with stairs.  Someone should keep this in mind come her wedding day.

11.  Some things never change. 

12.  Some things change so much that you have to wonder what happened.

13.  The squirrel patrol are still assholes.

14.  Chinese food is an excellent cure for a hangover.

15.  So is Waffle House.

16.  Wardrobe malfunctions have the tendency to be hilarious. 

17.  "Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang makes people go nuts. 

18.  Cheesy poofs are buy one, get one free at the Bruno's on Old Shell.

19. Never get a man to do what you cna do for yourself.  Like fix a broken limo.

20.  ...dance like no one is watching...especially on random pieces of furniture.

Beware the Ides of March

Life is fleeting. You never know when someone you love may be taken from you and when you may never be able to again say "I love you."  You never know when life can be taken from you and you'll never again be able to hug someone, to wish them a happy birthday, to look them in the eye and tell them that you're proud of them, to celebrate a holiday, to play football, to ride horses, to take the kids out on four-wheelers on Thanksgiving.

My cousin Cody was 21 years old.  He was killed last night in Pensacola when his car flipped on Hwy 29 in Cantonment. 

Eggs in a basket

One of my favorite movie references of all time involves eggs. 

More specifically, how a person likes his or her eggs cooked.

I had a friend in college.  I loved her dearly (and still do), but it used to drive me batty to watch her and the men that she would date.  If he liked working out, she became a gym freak.  If he liked cars, suddenly she could rattle off statistics about the hottest racers on the market.  If he liked to cook, she was suddenly absorbed in the Cooking Channel. 

I knew that she hated to cook.

But because the man of the hour loved to piddle around the kitchen, she tried (in vain, I might add)  to match up to what she believed that he wanted in a partner.

They broke up after four months.

My friend didn't know how she liked her eggs cooked.  If he liked scrambled, she wanted scrambled.  If he liked over easy, she was an over easy kind of girl.  And if he preferred his in a basket, well…you know the rest.

 
She didn't even like eggs to begin with.  But he never knew that, because she was trying so hard to impress and be the person that she thought he wanted that she missed the point altogether, being that he had originally liked her for who she was when she was true to herself, and not when she was pretending to be someone that she thought he wanted.

If you can't be yourself, which first and foremost involves knowing and loving yourself, what's the point?  Differences in a relationship are the spice of life, and make for interesting conversation.  Can you imagine how boring life (and relationships) would be if nobody added any variety?

And for the record, I'm over easy, with a side of hash browns.

V-Day

Valentine's Day is on the brain for a lot of people--I personally choose not to take the holiday seriously, as I believe that I can tell someone I love them any day of the year, and I don't need a corporate-sponsored holiday to make someone feel special.  (and for the record, if 2/14 is the only day out of the year that your significant other makes an effort at romance, maybe you should work on that....)

Day 6...Miss P has a good one.  (Although I'm promised that tomorrow's is going to be a whopper.)  I've had fun writing these blogs over the last several days, and would love to keep it up--my readers are my inspiration, so anytime you want me to write about something, someone, or whatever floats your boat, let me know.  I

Now.  After that little sidebar...
Long distance relationships.  Yay or nay?  Even though I've done them and it lasted for over a year, it wasn't easy. So if you meet a great guy or girl and he or she lives in another state? Do you try to make it work?  Do you walk away?

My oh my.  I sit on the fence on this one.  BIG time.  Can it work?  Absolutely.  Is it going to be easy?  Absolutely not. 

I don't know that it's necessarily based on the distance factor insomuch as that people don't want to take the time and effort to fully develop a relationship these days, and a relationship means having a rock-solid foundation of trust and open communication.  If a couple takes the time to build that foundation, then they can withstand anything, distance included.   Being apart the majority of the time takes a different level of commitment.  Some people would argue that it's less commitment, because you don't spend as much time together.  But in reality, it's as much or more of a commitment than for two people who live in the same town and can spend time together on a regular basis.  You have to trust your partner to go out and be in social settings without you, and trust that the boundaries that you've set with one another will be respected. 
Anyone who knows me for more than 5 minutes knows that I'm a believer in the magic of love, and with that comes the idea that there is one Mr. or Mrs. Right. (ok, ok--i know not everyone buys into that theory, but I do, so leave me alone :-) And who am I to say that I won't meet Mr. Right on a flight to Tokyo?  Or on a cruise across the Atlantic?  Or online?  Or next door?  He may live across the street, across the state, across the country, or across the globe.  But if he truly is the right person for me, then all will work out as it should, and the distance issue will take care of itself.
Is it for everyone?  No.  I don't think some people are willing to take on the unique challenges that a long distance relationship entails.  And some people aren't secure enough about themselves and their own position in a relationship to be able to handle the pressures of being apart.  But I don't think that a person should be written off because of distance.  Taking a chance is what makes life worth living.

breakin' the rules once i learn the game

Miss P's thought for the day:

{I had a discussion with a guy friend of mine last night about Man Law--the whole elaborate system intrigued me.  Supposedly, there is a system of rules that guys just...know.  This made me wonder what rules we ladies labide by.  What rules am I unknowingly breaking?  For example: No dating your friend's ex without permission...what's the deal?}

If there are imaginary rules, I...apparently...live to break them.  Mostly because I consider myself clueless when it comes to "playing the game."  But, seeing as how I was in a sorority once upon a time, and certain rules--albeit unspoken most of the time--governed some of OUR actions, maybe I can expound.  Perhaps not clearly, and certainly not with any authority, but who's counting?

Yeah, the dating of a friend's ex is a tricky area.  My own rule...unless I know for certain that a friend is completely over someone, and for that matter, usually seeing someone else, I steer clear of it.  In my opinion, it's just bad practice.  When you cross that invisible line, you end up making enemies unknowingly, not to mention getting caught in a tangled web. Obviously, if the breakup was a harsh one and your friend is particularly vulnerable, you're only setting yourself up for disaster. 

White shoes after Labor Day.  I know.  It's outdate, and some women say to screw the rule, but it's been ingrained in me since I was old enough to dress myself.  My grandmother would roll over in her grave if she saw me wearing white shoes at Thanksgiving...

I know exactly who to thank for the next one: sitting down while smoking and/or drinking.  And heaven forbid you do both at the same time.  I break this rule all the time, but nevertheless, the etiquette-trained voice inside my head always reminds me that it's not "ladylike."  (Which begs the question: What IS ladylike in this day and age?)

This one pisses me off: Don't talk about your sexual exploits...or, don't kiss and tell. And never reveal how many sexual partners you've had, whether it's 0 or 100.  (I disagree.  In the confines of a relationship, honesty and communication are the only grounds for success.  It depends on the relationship, though.  But I digress.)  Granted, it depends on your personal views here, but this goes back to the last couple of days worth of postings and the double-standard that exists for men versus women. 

Pillowcase openings should always face the same direction.  Enough said.

You can't ask to borrow something if the person you're borrowing it from hasn't gotten to use said item yet.  Generally, I'm referring to clothes and shoes and the like, but I'm stingy about books, too.  If I haven't read it yet, get your hands off :-)

If you're riding in a car with a group of people, and the person who is driving has a significant other, and that particular significant other is riding in said car, that person trumps all calls of "shotgun."  Bastards.

If I take a picture with my camera, and you say, "Oooh! Lemme see it!," you owe me a drink.  And/or a pack of batteries.  (If you carry batteries around with you on a regular basis (and not because you're a camera freak like me)--just as someone who likes to be all extra-prepared, I'd like to meet you and pick your brain.)

I'm having a hell of a hard time coming up with anything.  This topic has given me a severe case of writer's fog. (it's not so much of a 'block" as it is a "haze") I'm going to
go ahead and post this, but I'll probably add more as the day goes on.

Readers...go for it.  Happy Friday!

Hush little baby

On with the show, then.

Why do people give women grief when she says that she doesn't want to have children? 
(there's a long diatribe that my muse of the week followed up this statement with, but for reasons I can't explain, will not copy and paste.  And I'm too lazy to write it out again...)

Touche, Penney.  Touche.  Magnifique.
I once fell into this category.  I once believed that children were adorable, were cute, were a bunch of other choice words, but not for me.  But times change, circumstances change, and my perceptions change. 

Whether you want children or not, your body is wired to bear them. And success, in evolutionary terms, is defined by your ability to produce offspring and raise them to reproductive age.  Throughout history, a woman's place has been to nurture, to bear children, to care for hearth and home.  It was her responsibilty to bear children to carry on the family name, to help with the home, et cetera, et cetera, ad naseaum.  And even though,  by most people's standards, this is an outdated viewpoint, it is still so incredibly ingrained in our society that women who, in a sense, rebel against the norm, are looked at as some sort of freak. 

I think today's culture has shifted to a more selfish universe, one in which children are viewed as a burden rather than a blessing.  Granted, having children slows a person down considerably.  But so much is experienced through the eyes of a child, so much joy and laughter that can only be experienced through being a parent.  And I personally don't believe that any woman can truly and honestly say that she doesn't want children with a concrete and resolute finality.  Women, whether we like it or not, are wired to reproduce.  At some point, the sight of a stroller will make your heart flutter and the sight of a pregnant woman will have you dreaming in pink and blue.  And you realize that you're not so adverse to the idea of having children after all. (I, of course, realize that this was a giant blanket statement ) Whether a woman chooses to act on this is a different question entirely.  But it does beg the question regarding single women looking for sperm donors.  If women could turn off the desire to reproduce, why are these women, most successful and professional, looking to have children without a partner?  The desire to have children is a powerful one.

I don't know that it's so much about giving a woman grief for not wanting to have children as it is a lack of understanding.  Women, especially women who already have children, can't see beyond the pale.  It's a foreign concept, one that some cannot wrap their minds around. 

Each person is entitled to his or her own choices in life, and so long as the choices we make are responsible ones (in dealing with the question of whether or not to have children, you have to question your own level of responsibility) and don't negatively affect others, the decision is ultimately ours to make.

Brave New World

I knew she was going to pull this out of her hat before too long.  Call  it a hunch. 
I know I'm going to set some people off.  I know that this is a major debate.  All I ask is that you respect my decisions and opinions as well as the decisions and opinions of anyone else who has the balls to comment on this one.  You don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like me.  But respect me.

{as written by Miss P}

Abortion- What side of the line are you on? Is the line gray? Whose choice is it? What if girl wants one and guy doesn't? Should it be unlawful for her to terminate in this case?  What if pregnancy was from rape?

This is a majorly serious discussion topic today. Hopefully it doesn't get to violent of a debate. Let's all remember to respect the right for people to have their own opinions. I myself would never under any circumstances abort. However in the case of a rape I would have to seriously think about if adoption would be better for the child.

I have so many conflicting ideas on this topic.  When describing myself, I'm staunchly pro-choice.  I'm pro-choice because 25% of maternal deaths occur because of trying to get an illegal abortion.  I'm pro-choice because a woman, in a desperate situation, is going to choose, regardless of whether the choice is legal and protected by the US government.  I'm pro-choice because the question the government is asking isn't really about abortion, it's about the grey line between church and state, and about trying to scare women and girls into abstinence.  I'm pro-choice because the I support the use of, and the education about, sex education, contraception, and the like, rather than naively believing that kids won't have sex if they're not taught about it in school.  I'm pro-choice because the "pro-choice" movement supports the advancement of women, not just surrounding the topic of abortion, but in areas like prenatal care, insurance, well-baby visits, maternity leave, and women's health, whereas the pro-life movement only seeks to force someone else's theology on women.  I'm pro-choice because a child should be given every opportunity in the world to succeed--being unwanted from day 1 is no way to start life.  I'm pro-choice because I believe that my beliefs are exactly that...mine.  The government has no grounds to decide my morals and values.  The government has no grounds to decide if my decisions coincide with the religious right.

It astounds me that people think that by overturning Roe v Wade that abortions will disappear.  People, are you really so naive?  Again, women are going to choose.  The question is whether or not she can choose safely.  Women die from the horrors of back alley procedures.  Did you know that in some Latin American countries, where abortions are nearly always illegal, that the black market abortion industry is one of the most lucrative? 

Where do men come into the picture?  Does a woman have a responsibility to tell a man that she's carrying his child and that she is...or has already...terminated the pregnancy?  Absolutely.  I'm a firm advocate for father's rights as well.  Even though I have a lot of choice words relating to women's rights, there are so many men who are left out in the cold when their partner discovers that she's pregnant.  A man has a right to know that he is the father, and in some sense has a right to have a say in the decision.  It takes two to tango in the first place, after all.

Was someone watching House this week?  Because the topic of rape was at the forefront.  Anyway. In cases of rape, I again go back to what I was saying.  A woman is going to choose.  Will she remember the rape every time she looks at her child?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Can she live with what happened to her?  Is she able to bring a child into the world in an emotionally frail state?  Those questions are not mine to answer.  But regardless, a woman should have the right to choose what to do with her body.  She was violated and the choice to have a child was not one that she was prepared for.  It wasn't even a risk that she was taking.  It was a choice that was forced upon her.  More than any other reason to choose, a victim of rape should have access to an abortion if she so chooses.

To see Roe v Wade overturned would be a crying shame and a step in the wrong direction.  Children are a blessing, but are also a major responsibilty.  Rather than decry the number of irresponsible people  who have children born into poverty or into situations  in which they can't be protected, allow the woman to be responsible.  Allow a woman to choose.

A blog a day

a blog a day...

Here's the idea.
The "other" blonde bombshell that lurks around my office says I need to write more.  I (along with some help from a fellow sporatic blogger) argued that I ahve to feel moved to write--that I have to have something to talk about. 

So. 

The proposal:  She'll give me a thought-provoking question every day for a week.  And I'll write about it.  Whatever the topic, no matter whether I have strong opinions or not.  If it's successful, I think I might start polling y'all for more ideas. 

Leave me comments to let me know you're reading with me, and let me know what you think.

I'll post number 1 later today.

Happy Monday :-)

It's been a hot minute since I last said anything.  So, without further ado, here goes nothing.

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That's about what my head feels like these days.  I work my butt off, go home, rinse, repeat.  Not a whole heck of a lot has changed.  Well, some things have, but I'm not quite ready to broadcast it to the universe via xanga yet.  Nia moved back to Montgomery, and Finger moved in.  I love my house, but it's a wee bit different living with him.  As in...my pantry is in alphabetical order.  The house is (always) clean.  The movies are arranged by title.  Wait.  The PANTRY is IN APHABETICAL order.  Yes, my friends...I am living with an OCD organizer.  I think, for April Fools Day, I'm going to rearrange his world...UN-alphabetize everything. 

In other news, even though the Saints aren't playing in the Super Bowl....wow.  I think hell froze over with that team this year. 

I need a vacation.  And a boat drink.  And I don't have either one. 

how much would could a woodchuck...oh, nevermind.

Wood chips.

That was our famed GWB's alternative fuel recommendation.

Among solar, wind and water power, he also throws in...wood chips.

Although I 'm a proud driver of a VW Beetle, which so MANY people like to poke fun at (and hey, I completely understand. The wonderbubble does not hold it against you. I drive a yellow goldfish bowl...I get it.), I don't think even IT would run off of wood chips or its byproducts. And for that matter, does that mean that I have to fight off the squirrels when trying to fill up my gas tank? Or heat my house, for that matter?

Again I ask myself, "how did this buffoon get elected to office, not once, but twice?"

Not to mention he mentioned Palestan and Afghanestine when talking about the holy lands. Did I miss something in geography? Or did we add a couple of new countries to the middle east while I wasn't looking?

Wood chips. Look out, squirrels. You've got competition.

rainbow droppings

I wrote this a while back, but the same subject was brought to light again when someone commented on the pin in my car. Tereasa gave it to me a while back, and it says "Rainbows make me happy." It's been hooked to my rearview mirror ever since. The other day, I drove a coworker home, and he commented on it and said, "Huh. Guess you swing on the other side of the fence." I started to get defensive, but instead I was only saddened because a symbol that used to mean cheerfulness, happiness, good luck and all sorts of other (happy) things now can only represent homosexuality. More on this in a minute.

But now...time for a story.

Up Til Dawn was an annual fundraiser for St. Judes, and the theme was cartoons. My DG sisters and I decided to use the Care Bears as our theme, replete with fuzzy ears and the little red hearts pinned to our pants. In addition, each of us picked our representative Bear, which we made into iron-on transfers for our t-shirts. Being that pink is one of my favorite colors and I am usually the optimistic one, I chose Cheer Bear-the one with the rainbow across its belly.

...thus begins the rainbow ordeal...

Since Up Til Dawn, the bears that we have chosen have become our mascots of sorts. I went to Wal-Mart in search of the Care Bear Cousins, in particular Playful Heart Monkey, for Tereasa. Upon which time I noticed that there were no Cheer Bears. Every other Care Bear, as well as Care Bear Cousin, as well as several newly invented Care Bears, were on display. All except the one sporting a rainbow. So I asked an employee. Who proceeded to inform me that Cheer Bear was only sold in sets containing other Care Bears, because of its inherant gay-pride symbol.

Hold up. As most of you already know, I have nothing against anyone with same-sex tendencies. I have no homophobia. (If I did, I would lose most of my friends). But I have issues with the idea of not selling a children's toy because of its "homosexual overtones" Excuse me? I seem to recall Kermit the Frog singing about rainbows. There was even an entire cartoon/toy theme devoted to rainbows (Rainbow Brite?).

Rainbows are a sign of hope, a sign of promise, a sign of good fortune, a sign of pushing forward until you find your pot of gold at the end. I have no problem with the gay/lesbian community using the aforementioned symbol. As a matter of fact, I find it fitting- cheerful, happy, encompassing all colors. But I do have a problem with anyone who now assumes, merely because I like rainbows, that I must be homosexual. So what have I done about this problem? Rather than hide my rainbows in the closet, I flaunt them. Rainbow bracelets? Got 'em. Rainbow Care Bear? Got it. I'll just keep on walking with my rainbow flip-flops. (Kudos, by the way, to Old Navy, who doesn't shy away from my favorite colorful signs of cheer, merely because someone might get the wrong idea...

I'll get off of the soapbox now.

Skittles, anyone?

by way of introduction...

I believe in serendipity. I am a hopeless romantic. I am the eternal optimist. I would say I roll with the punches. I am a dog lover. I like rainy days. I am extremely laid back. I am a true Gemini. I entertain myself…and others in the process. I love a yellow hibiscus. I love orchids. I am pregnant with my first child. I have loved and lost, I have loved and lost again, and still I believe in the magic of love. I can do a nearly perfect impression of Woody Woodpecker’s laugh. I love the little things in life. I love Christmas lights. I love all holidays. I love to celebrate birthdays. I rarely get dressed up. I love feeling like a princess sometimes. I don’t think a part of me will ever grow up. I feel sorry for people who try to be someone that they’re not. I’ve never seen Star Wars. I have never seen an Indiana Jones movie. I have seen the Never ending Story so many times that I’m surprised the video will still play. I know every word to the movie Dirty Dancing. I will always have a fondness for rainbows. I love glitter. I still believe in Santa—and I always will. I know all of the words to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles intro—and Saved by the Bell, and the Fresh Prince. I have a degree in English, and no, I don’t teach and no, I’m not a lawyer. I have read more than I care to remember—it matters not if it’s a book, a magazine, or the back of the bottle of shampoo. I still believe in fairy tales. I like to be alone—it helps me think and clear my head. I am not as nice as some people think I am. I sometimes miss the point. I sometimes miss the boat altogether. i don’t really know what to consider myself—I’m part southern and part northern—the New Jersey comes out sometimes, the Alabama comes out sometimes. I hate being hot. I am an extreme liberal. I hate my toes. I was a band geek in high school. I have been published in four literary magazines. I love taking pictures. I love the beach—but not the sand. I would live on a boat if I could. I know how to jive. I have a unique style of dancing of my very own. I am an introvert. I am extremely shy—I’ve just developed coping mechanisms to deal with it. I believe that the best friendships are those in which you may only talk once a year but can pick up where you left off. I generally try to see the beauty in all things. I don’t believe that ignorance is an excuse for anything. I physically hurt when children are innocent victims. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have volunteered to help those who can’t help themselves. I have secrets. I like to dance around my living room. I know the muffin man—lady, actually. I hate the color green. I won’t wear shoes that hurt my feet more than once. I wouldn’t wear shoes at all if I could get away with it. I think a genuine smile is one of the best gifts you can give or receive. I love snow. I hate crowds. I love to travel, but I love my own bed, too. I believe that home is somewhere that you can be accepted as you are and loved regardless of faults. I’m a daydream believer. I have been to—and walked barefoot on—Abbey Road. I hate hot dogs. I have an extreme weakness for French fries, popcorn and Sunkist. I have lost sixty pounds in a year’s time. I have two tattoos. At one point or another, I have had the following pierced: my ears, my cartilage, my tongue (three times), my nose, my eyebrow and my belly button. I only have my ears pierced now. I love the theater. I love the Phantom of the Opera, Carmen, and Les Miserables. I used to play the viola, the violin, the flute, and the piccolo. I tried to learn to play the guitar. I have feet that are two different sizes. I go by my middle name. I wish on shooting stars. I still own my ice skates, even if I haven’t been ice skating in nearly 10 years. I love garage sales. I hate antique rugs—blame my dad and uncle for that one. I thank God every day for my parents and how much they have given me.

purple people eaters

Miss P writes:

And on the 7^th day he rested…I think NOT, Caitlin my dear!   Today's topic: Evolution…  ;)

It is the writer who might catch the imagination of young people, and plant a seed that will flower and come to fruition.

- Isaac Asimov

I saw this quote and thought I'd alter it for our fearless blogger…

It is the blogger who will catch the boredom of her favorite office workers, and mix and beat it down and bake that shit into a fabulous fruitcake.

-          Penney Powell 

Cait betta gets ta bakin'!

So come one and all fellow bored office workers and let us eat!!!

:-)

I love it.  If only she knew how little my culinary skills have progressed.  At least I can "cook" with words, because my baking skills are severely lacking!! (you know, I think i should learn to make a fruitcake.  Then I could just, you know...hand them out at Christmas.  A fruitcake from Fruitcake?  No?  Not funny?  Whatever.)

Evolution...that's a can of worms.  Once again, I'm at odds with so many on this one.  But not necessarily for the reasons you might think. 

I don't have any answers.  I don't know which way to cast my lot--some would say that it condemns me to hell to consider anything other than creationism, that even questioning the idea that God created the world, Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden, Genesis-fishcakes.  To question creationism, to listen to the reasoning of science means, to some, that I'm siding with Darwin, that the ability to question and reason and think things through and not blindly accept the religious right's propaganda...I am condemning myself to hell for even considering the idea that Darwin could be right.

I don't know.  But I do know this.  Why on EARTH would we choose to only educate our children on one side of the issue?  Is that what we really want for the future?  To only see one side of an arguement?  To teach them that questioning and exploring the possiblities and making an informed and educated decision...on anything, not just about this particular topic...is the way to go?  Do we want to hide the truth?  Or possible truths? 

I found this statement in reference to Evolution Sunday 2007 (which, incidentally, is this Sunday.)

    We believe that the timeless truths of the Bible and the discoveries of modern     science may comfortably coexist. We believe that the theory of evolution is a     foundational scientific truth, one that has stood up to rigorous scrutiny and             upon which much of human knowledge and achievement rests. To reject this         truth or to treat it as "one theory among others" is to deliberately embrace             scientific ignorance and transmit such ignorance to our children. We believe         that among God's good gifts are human minds capable of critical thought and     that the failure to fully employ this gift is a rejection of the will of our Creator.     To argue that God's loving plan of salvation for humanity precludes the full         employment of the God-given faculty of reason is to attempt to limit God, an         act of hubris. We urge school board members to preserve the integrity of the     science curriculum by affirming the teaching of the theory of evolution as a core     component of human knowledge. We ask that science remain science and that     religion remain religion, two very different, but complementary, forms of  truth               The Clergy Project

To reject science and research because of religious beliefs is to reject medicine, to reject technology, to reject moving forward. One of my favorite books of all time is Brave New World.  Is it any surprise to anyone who has read the book that I firmly support seeing all sides of an issue, to open your eyes and your minds and learn, explore, dream, and experience? Freedom to choose how to live our lives and to make educated decisions--to question your own beliefs and why you believe the things you do...why would we want to take that away from schoolchildren?  To turn them into mindless automatons who can't think for themselves.

Was there a "clockmaker" who wound up the earth and let it run its course?  Did God create the world in a week?  Did we evolve from sea anemones (ok, I just really like the word "anemone")?  No one can answer that with certainty.  That's a matter of faith.  But to know that there are other beliefs and other ideas than your own...that is a doorway to understanding.

On a personal note, I've enjoyed this tete-a-tete with Miss P, and thanks so much to everyone who has read and commented.  I'm sorry to see the week end!  I'll keep writing more often if you'll send me stuff...otherwise, I'll write when something moves me.  Like sea anemones.

Much love!